Laundry – I was very recently told, “man, I really need to
figure out this whole laundry thing,” to which I replied “………” Boys, if your
mother was Martha Stewart’s second cousin who washed, dried, and folded all of
your clothes God bless her, but you’re an adult now and it’s time to do your
own damn laundry. I won’t scare you with advanced techniques like separating
your whites from your darks (I know I know, being a grown up is scary!), but
the main idea is simple. Put coins in a slot, soap in dispenser, and press a
button. I’m not rich nor am I above a little fabreeze spritz on my gently-worn
clothes from time to time, but if you haven’t washed your clothes since you’ve
BEEN AT COLLEGE (IT’S WEEK 8) get yourself to a washer and drier before you stink away your friends and family.
Face – Acne is horrible and the sad truth is that some of us
have it worse than others. But dudes, it’s called face wash and I promise it
will improve your complexion. Like your body, your face needs some alone time
with your hands and a good skin cleanser. Depending on your biggest issue
(blackheads, oily skin, etc.) you can research some specifics, but in general I
always recommend Cetaphil skin cleanser. Tip: start with hot water to open your
pores, after you’ve scrubbed yourself silly splash cold water to close ‘em.
It’ll prevent dirt from getting in said pores, which is what causes acne in the
first place. If you don’t know what a pore is than get your hand out of that
Dorito’s bag and start googling.
Body – For my sanity I’m going to assume when you shower
you’re applying soap to every inch of your body, but smelling good goes a
little farther. You sweat, I sweat, we all sweat and it’s gross so intelligent
people who invent things have helped the common smelly man avoid this problem.
Deodorant: you put it under your armpits so they sweat less and don’t smell
bad. Cologne: you spray it on yourself as to attract sexual partners and,
again, not smell bad. Clap twice if you’re with me people.
Junk – I contemplated not writing this because, well ew, but
for the sake of the human race (yes, the human race, saving lives one blog post
at a time) I needed to include it. A friend of mine told me his old roommate
never washed his man parts. Cut to my jaw dropping and a mixture of insane
laughing then shiver of fear. I feel almost ridiculous saying this but for BJ’s
sake man wash what your mama gave ya! Think of it as a sports car, if you’re
driving it dirty around town, no one’s going to ask for a ride.
Now that I've educated you and given you the tools to improve your self hygiene, go ! Go forth and share your (cleaner) self with the world.
Now that I've educated you and given you the tools to improve your self hygiene, go ! Go forth and share your (cleaner) self with the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment